Learning the Language of a Newborn

By Dr Julie Segal, MD, FAAP

I can still remember Madelyn's shrill cries when we brought her home from the hospital. I knew that alll newborns did a significant amount of crying, but this seemed like entirely too much. What was she trying to say? Was she in pan? Was she just hungry? Our task as parents is to learn to differentiate our baby's various cries This isn't always simple and certainly take some time.

As parents we always assume that a cry means pain or a call for help. Our instinct is to respond to that cry and figure our what the problem is and try to fix it. But even after doing everything we can think of, short of pulling our hair out, we still may not know why our baby is crying.

In my first few weeks at home with Madelyn, I had to constantly remind myself that it is very normal for newborns to cry. It is essentially one of thier top four activities along with eating, sleeping, and pooping. Experts point out that the average daily amount of crying that newborns do increases from about two hours a day at 2 weeks of age to about four hours a day by 3 months of age. Don't let this stress you out because after 3 months of age the amount of crying will steadily decrease. By this time babies are also much better at calming themselves and the cause of their crying is usually much easier to figure out.

One of the things I like to point out to new parents is that you cannot spoil a newborn. Don't listen to people telling you that if you hold your baby she will become spoiled. That is nonsense! Newborns need the sense of security their parents give them and it is important that they feel that their needs are being met. It is perfectly Ok to pick up your newborn every time she cries. You will begin to learn what she is asking for at that paticular moment. She may want to be fed or have her diaper changed; or to be cuddled, swaddled, rocked gently or simply held. Is the room too hot or cold; to bright or loud? You will begin to know what works for your own child and to develop your own calming solutions. This will often seem like an exhausting process of trial and error.

Many new parents have benefited from the book and DVD The Happiest Baby on the Block. The book was written by a fellow pediatrician, Dr Harvey Karp, and serves as a very pratical and easy-to-follow guide to calming your newborn. It really works! I gave this to my husband as his homework in preparing for the birth of our daughter. In the first few weeks he felt like a very accomplished father as he used Dr. Karp's method to calm Madelyn.

Always remember to try to stay calm yourself. Newborns can pick up on parental stress and may continue to cry if they sense that you are not in control. There were certainly times I needed to just step back and take a few deep breaths before I tended to Madelyn. Sometimes it may be helpful to enlist the help of a friend or a neighbor if you are having a paticularly bad day.

Finally, if you have tried everything to calm your new baby but he continues to cry and is truly incolsolable or seems sick, be sure to call your pediatrician immediately.